LONG before social distancing was a thing, Jay and I have been practicing this at home for thirty some years. Mind you, we have been married for forty-three and produced four children, so you can toss out the first few years. The past few decades however, we have this stuff down to perfection.
I should have known what I was getting myself into when marrying a man whose heritage is 100% German. Germans are not well known for their love and compassion. They are not known for hugging and displays of affection. They are known for being perfectionists, precise, direct, having a dark sense of humor, being distant and apparently are good bread bakers as well as beer drinkers.* Jay has all these qualities covered except the last two. We leave the bread baking to our son Jason. (* Source: Google)
There were a few hints along our dating journey that should have stuck out for me, like he didn’t like to hold hands, no PDF (public displays of affection) and we were engaged for three years because he apparently wasn’t in a hurry, or was he just social distancing back then?
I, on the other hand, am affectionate and a hugger. When I meet people for the first time I always find myself touching their arm or shoulder, I don’t even realize I do it, so as to make that human contact. If I know you, I am going to hug you, I may hug you if I don’t.
My heritage is a mixed bag like most Americans. I am Scottish, Irish, German (dad’s side) Norwegian and Danish (mom’s side). As you can see, there were lots of genetic chances in there to be a good baker, again, I am not as you well know. I’m not sure where the hugging came from but it’s always been that way.
It’s very true in our case that opposites attracted, more like collided. He is a perfectionist and I’m sure that’s what makes him such a great carpenter. I am not. I can toss things together without a care whether I am cooking, trying to knit or sew, or baking – again, why I am not a good baker.
My mom was a great baker, seamstress and knitter. She baked cakes and sewed clothing for people in my town as a hobby while working full time. I didn’t inherit her sewing or knitting skills either. When I was in junior high we had to take a sewing class and a cooking class. My mom used to leave the room when I would be laying out the pattern on my material because I’m sure it drove her crazy. I would just pin pieces here and there, not worrying about trying to make the most out of my material space. I believe I got a D- in that class. I never attempted cooking at home back then, like today, I don’t enjoy it and I’m pretty sure I got a D in that class, or it may have been an F.
Back to social distancing. So, I snore. Loudly. At least that’s what my husband, children, and grandchildren have all told me, but I’m still skeptical. What does snoring have to do with social distancing you ask? Let me tell you a short tale.
After giving birth to my last baby, I had a back problem. I started sleeping downstairs on our couch with baby #4 nearby in her crib when she wasn’t laying on me. The couch gave me great back support and I slept somewhat better.
When Brittney (aka #4) was older and could sleep upstairs, I continued to sleep on the couch for comfort. Back then I used to sleep fairly sound. Late one night I had awakened around 3 a.m. and a white orb of light went floating past me. For real. I will take a lie detector test on this, I am not making this up. Needless to say I slept with the lights on for YEARS after that, and continued to wake around 3. That story, by the way, is for another day.
After many years of sleeping on the couch, I mentioned to my family I might try sleeping in our bedroom again to which there was a strong suggestion that I snored very loudly and everyone upstairs could hear me. Perhaps my staying downstairs was for the better of all in the house, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one.” (Ghost’s opinion not included). The dogs and I continued to sleep downstairs, lights on. Social distancing had begun.
Another thing that is the opposite with Jay and I is what we like to watch on TV. I love movies, I love comedy and drama, action, sci-fi and mystery. Jay likes sports, news, old rock bands and reality TV that involves singing or talent. When we were first married and before DVR’s and DHS tape recorders were invented, we shared a single TV. He would watch TV and I would read a book in the same room until he went to bed. Then if there was something on late at night, I’d watch it. Remember we only had about four channels to choose from as well, so often it was disappointing.
Then the era came of being able to record a show on TV and watch it later. I got into the habit of watching recorded shows late at night, a habit I still have. To this day I DVR every single program and either read, knit or write in the evening until late and then I watch my DVR’d programs, and bonus, I can skip all commercials.
Since our first house, we acquired a second TV, four children and a second room to put it in that became the “family room” or “den” or as the grandkids call it – grandpa’s room. In the house we currently live in he has his den room and I have the living room. We each watch our own TV shows and enjoy our separate bedrooms although I am still pretty much a couch sleeper. More social distancing, we got this!
If you’d ask our children, they will confirm that we have been happily practicing social distancing for decades. I credit part of the reason we’ve been married for so long is due to our social distancing. The only time we are in the same place is at the supper table or in the car and then we practice not talking as per Jay’s German heritage not mine, so again, keeping a social distance through language.
Luckily, I have two dogs at home who entertain me and tolerate me hugging them and lavishing attention on them. Ok, Kutter, aka Mr. Kuddles, loves it. Jazzy will tolerate it on her own terms similar to a cat. Forget hugging Jay! My son Josh sent us a picture that had “Kiss me I’m Irish” all crossed out and instead it said, “Don’t touch me, I’m German”. Perfect. Jay needs that t-shirt. My kids and most of my grandkids are huggers too, a little German heritage snuck into a couple of them.
Jay and I have had this social distancing stuff down to an art for at least three decades. If you need any tips or advice on social distancing, I’d tell you to ask Jay the expert, but he’s not going to answer you. He doesn’t even answer his cell phone if I call him. I’m so thankful every day that I married a 100% German.
Until next time…
Stay home, keep your distance.
Toni